• Maeve Binchy, Quentins

  • Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

  • Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Urbervilles

  • Sophie Kinsella, The Undomestic Goddess
The Birth Order of Children

Your Clothes: 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette: 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries: 1st baby: At the first sign of distress -a whimper or a frown- you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier: 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering: 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Activities: 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to the park. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out: 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home: 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite): 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

Comments

Blogger Julia said ... (9:42 PM) 

Oh my god I laughed so hard, it's truly hysterically funny! Thanks.

 

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